Mon Jan 29 08:57 EST 1996
Hello Boys and Girls,
The limerick O' the day has returned. I hope to be bringing you
limericks all semester, but due to some finacial troubles I may be sent home
soon. If and when that does occur, I'll be shutting down, but maybe only
for a few days. Anyway, my break was good, I hope all the rest of you can
say the same. Amy-I am truly sorry I missed you, but I understand the
circumstances. Butch-try this:Conlin@oswego.edu (tough one I know). Ok,
for those of you who are receiving this as your first limerick, let me
explain what is going to happen. Everyday you are going to receive a dirty
limerick, and a dirty joke. Your names have been added to this list because
either you have requested to be added, or someone you know has told me that
you might just enjoy this crap. When it comes to my limericks and my jokes,
nothing is sacred. That means that the limericks (which I write myself) and
the jokes(which I don't) might be offensive to certain people because of
race, religion, gender, sexual preference, or because some people like to
eat feces. If you don't want to receive these things, send me mail asking
to be removed from the list. No Big Deal. On the otherhand, If you know
anybody who might enjoy these, I'm always looking to add people. Any
address received will be added before the next mailing. If you happen to
find any particular jokes or limericks particularly offensive and/or
tasteless, feel free to let me know (I love feedback). If however, you are
just writing to bitch, moan, complain, or just suffering from a bout with
PMS, Fuck Off---I don't want to hear it. In my life I've known people of
all races, religions, genders(There are more than two you know),
preferences, and dietary tastes. I have always been able to joke with them
about things, so I feel I can joke with you. 'nuff said; LIMERICK TIME!
There once was a girl named Queen
who owned a vibrating machine
with 9 volts of power
she'd play for an hour
she loved to tickle her bean
This is the advertising portion of the mailing. Anybody who is going to be
in the Capitol District on Feb. 3rd head to Duggan's bar in Saratoga.
"BlackWater Sunflower" will be performing from 11 'til the people leave.
They're well worth the trip. I'm guessing there is no cover.
Anyone else with an announcement, feel free to send it to me. I'll be glad
to send it out. Keep in mind that there are two separate lists, so sending
a message to everyone will eliminate 20+ people. The second list is still
growing.
Joke O' the Day:
Q:Why did Jesus cross the road?
A:He was nailed to the chicken.
Like I said, nothing is sacred.
It's okay to tell me it was bad, just don't bitch!
Tue Jan 30 1996
It's Tuesday, I imagine you knew that. If you didn't you
might be to stupid to be on this list. Anyway, there really isn't too much
to say. Kelli-send me Kate's address as soon as you get it. Also, I want
to hear from everyone on the list at least once this semester, some of you
are already off to a great start. Ok here comes the Limerick-twofer style.
Jay's ex was a bitch and a nag
who ruined a black beanbag
the stench from her box
drained the blood from his cock
she refused to put in her rag
There once was a man named O.J.
the coon should have been locked away
'cause he took out a knife
and carved up his wife
and ate her with fried chicken and watermellon
(yes, I know it's not a real limerick, but I like it anyway)
Let's keep with the O.J. theme with the jokes
Q:What were O.J.'s last words to Nicole?
A:Your waiter will be with you shortly
Q:What did Nicole Simpson say to Ron Goldman before their date
A:You can eat my pussy, but the juice might kill you
Wed Jan 31 1996
Just a couple of announcements- Blackwater Sunflower is playing at Duggan's
(as I said on Tuesday) That is on church st. in Saratoga--be there if you
can. Thanks to all of you that have written-Amy, Hil,Bari, Kenzie, and
Dave,+anybody I might have missed.
Ok, just to encourage more of you to write me I'm going to (every now
and then, ask a question that warants a response. Keep in mind these are
questions I don't know the answers to, they are just things I think about in
bed at night. Today's question: Why were there no black people on "The
Jetsons", and have you ever noticed that Mr.Spacely resembled Hitler?
Limerick Time:
Abby has a sister named Maggie
whose tits are strech-marked and saggy
her ass has a pump
that takes many a dump
her pants are all shit-filled and baggy
Joke O' The Day (I'm sending two, again, just because I can)
Q:What would you call the Jetsons if they were black?
A:Niggers
Q:What qualifies as good behavior in a Harlem school?
A:Raising your hand before popping a cap in the teacher
I have acquired about 200 black jokes, sorry if they affend some of you (not
really), but for sheer economy I have to use them in pairs, frequently.
Command ('i' to return to index): of othere types of jokes as well. I
really do try to insult everyone on an equal basis.