Fri Dec 1 13:16 EST 1995
This is the last limerick of the week, obviously. Look at
the list, it's grown. Special thanks to:Jay Dick, Amy, Kate, and Jarrett.
Now, how bout the rest of you lazy fucks send some in. Liz, Lisa, Brendo,
Kelli, Ben, Scabby, Shirl, Barb, Garrett, Andy, Heather, Guthrie,(yes, we
really know someone named Guthrie), Stephanie(the only binghamton student
who has never sent me anything), Live Free or Die, Henkle, and anyone else,
get on
it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To all the newbies: If you don't want to get this dirty limerick
thing 5 times a week, send me mail telling me why you don't want it, and
I'll take you off the list.
Will the person who sent me the Jenn and Peter Limerick yesterday, please
send it in again. I've lost it, but it needs to be seen by all!
Limerick Time
I knew a yuppie named Mark
who got busy when it got dark
he'd rub on his dick
like a boyscout with sticks
he even once caused a spark
Joke Of the Day
Q:Have you ever smelled Mothballs?
A:How did you get their little legs apart?
Mon Dec 4 19:05 EST 1995
Happy Monday, Y'all. The writing process is anything but complete, so
all you get today is one of the not so good ones that we wrote last time.
Thanks to Damien LaVera for the address he sent to me. The rest of you keep
'em coming. Heather, Liz, are you fuckers alive or what? Point of interest
everyone: Garret and Andy have no friends. Anybody who wants off this
list, tell me why, and well come to where you are, slam your head into the
wall and kick the shit out of you. Then we'll take you off the list.
Limerick time
Damien LaVera was fond of debating
topics from politics to masturbating
he'd argue the merits
of buttfucking parrots
and other things he'd been contemplating
There should be another limerick here, but I lost it. Send it again guys
Ok here is the Joke O' the Day. I didn't write it. I know it's bad, but
it's funny! Have a laugh, and don't bitch to me, cause I don't want to hear
it. All is meant in good fun. Is that understood?
One day, little Jethro Taneeshawakaganja, a small Nigger child of
about 8, decided to paint himself white. So, he went to the first floor
bathroom of his parent's home, and proceeded to paint himself white from face
to toe. Upon finishing, Jethro was so proud of his work, that he decided to
go upstairs to tell his family about it. After getting up only 3 stairs,
though, he encountered his big brother Leroy, who excaimed "What the fuck?!
Get yo' ass downstais an' wash yo face!". Leroy then proceeded to beat the
living hell out of his brother, leaving him bloody and bruised. Undaunted,
however, Jethro proceeded up the stairs. About halfway up he met his mother,
who was on her way to the kitchen to get some watermelon. Upon seeing her
son, she screamed in terror, and proceeded to kick Jethro several times
in the nuts. Still, Jethro could not be stopped. He continued to the top of
the stairs, where he met his father, Tyrone Germaine Tito Taneeshawakaganja.
Tyrone was so infuriated at his son's appearance that he immediately took
the heroin needle out of his arm, and proceeded to get medievil on his son's
ass. Finally, little Jethro went back down to the bottom of the stairs, and
started heading towards the bathroom. Just as he reached the bottom, he
turned to his family and exclaimed "You know, I really feel sorry fo' them
honkies. I ain't been a white boy 5 minutes, and already I'm sick of you
fucking niggers!!".
Tue Dec 5 09:32 EST 1995
Once again it's twofer tuesday, and just like last week you only get one
limerick. I wrote 4, no bullshit, 4 papers yesterday. So as you may fiqure
out, I had no time to write limericks. In spite of my requests to the
contrary, I still received complaints about yesterday's joke. So here's
what I'm going to do. This is a Democracy we live in right? So everyone
write to me. The question is: Should I continue to use ethnic humor in the
Joke of the Day? Voting ends tomorrow at 9pm. If I don't here from you, I
don't count you . Majority rules, however, regardless of the outcome, I'll
say what ever the hell I want to in my limericks. If that's a problem, I'll
come find you, slam your head into the wall and kick the shit out of you.
Limerick time
There lived a man named Sean
It was Shirley he would jump on
like a school of trout
they'd wiggle about
they wouldn't fuck, they'd spawn
Joke of the Day
Q:What is worse than beeing raped by Jack the Ripper
A:Being fingered by Captain Hook
Wed Dec 6 14:36 EST 1995
Hello Boys and Girls,
There is still time to vote on whether or not to use ethnic humor in
the jokes! For about the fifth day in a row new addresses have ben added to
this list, lets see if we can make it six. Liz and Heather, I still haven't
heard from you. We lost one yesterday, she actually threatened to bring the
limerick to University officials. Apparently she viewed friday's limerick
as a personal attack. I say go for it, I do use the campus' shitty-ass
system anyway. Here we go. Limerick Time. A dedication of sorts to the
one that left:
An ex-girlfriend named McHale
was a mighty-fine piece of tail
in a disgruntled fit
I opened her slit
You can bet I delievered the mail (or male, whichever you personally prefer)
Joke O' the Day
Q:Why do female paratroopers wear jockstraps?
A:So don't whistle on the way down.
"And Silence contagious in moments like these"
Till the next verse ----TOnY
Thu Dec 7 09:32 EST 1995
Boys and Girls,
Today is the last day to vote on the issue of racial humor. Mail must
be received by 9PM tonight. Anything that comes in later I wont give half a
nugget about. Also, Heather lives!
A necrophiliac at Clarkson named Brendo
payed $50 for a fat ho'
after sliding the slab
and lifting some flab
he got the most for his dough
Joke O' The Day:
Q:How do you know when a female bartenders is pissed at you?
A:There's a string in your Bloody Mary
Fri Dec 8 13:15 EST 1995
Good afternoon everybody,
Friday is here again, so I'm done 'til Monday, which is good since I
have very few limericks left. Time to write more. Anyway, I added several
more names to the list yesterday, and two more already today. So keep 'em
coming.
Let me state here, for all you on the list to read: Geneseo chicks
rule!(not to take anything away from the rest of you of coarse), but all of
them(-the latest addition) have taken time to write. In fact, the majority
write semi-regularly. Them babes is cool!
In other news, the vote is in. An overwhelming majority of you have
voted to keep racial humor. If u your personal objections to this
particular type of humor particularly strong, ask to be removed from the
list. Ok, enough babble. Limerick time:
There once was a girl named Tropp
Who impaled her cunt on a mop
After thrusting away
the better part of a day
she rolled around in the slop
Joke O' The Day (Two, One Racial{Andy from England sent it} and one not)
Q:What do you call a beautiful woman in Africa?
A:Tourist
Q:What do elephants use for tampons?
A:Sheep
Enjoy your weekends, everybody!
Mon Dec 11 12:55 EST 1995
Happy Monday boys and girls,
The limerick boy is as sick as a dog, but I'm here anyway. Not enen
phlegm can stop the limerick. It's been an interesting weekend. I received
two requests to be removed from the list, the latter a most beligerent and
somewhat insulting request from a holier-than-thou, bible-beating, uptight,
god-schooler at Messiah. She informed me that she wants no part of my
"daily ego boost" and she asked to be removed from my "rediculous list"
Now, I don't claim to be the words best speller, but ridiculous isn't
exactly the most difficult word in the English language. It's amazing that
damn messiah college spends so much time teaching students to fall to their
knees fof god(never once mention the other things they can be done from that
position), but they don't teach them how to spell. Priorities?
It was nice typing to you, Kim. I'll be looking for you, and the rest
of the Jones Hall gang again. Limerick time.
I know a couple, names, Jenn and Peter
He tried, but he just couldn't eat her
'cause from out of her gash
chipmunks did dash
They thought her cunt was a ceder
Joke O' The Day (for Denise at Messiah)
Q:What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A:It only takes one nail to hang the picture
"And Silence contagious in moments like these"
Till the next verse ----TOnY
Tue Dec 12 09:11 EST 1995
Tuesday agian, and for the third wee in a rwo, you all are getting hosed.
I'm only sending one limerick(since that's all I wrote, and none of you have
sent any in), but I will give you two jokes so that's almost a twofer
tuesday, right? Limerick time:
A student of Pavlov, Lundel's
panties got wet at the sound of a bell
the sludge from her hole
filled up the dog's bowls
and flushed her crabs from their shells
Joke(s) of The Da(lets make it three, shall we---------------->WARNING THESE
ARE REALLY BAD
Q:What's the best thing about having sex with a 10yr old?
A:Pretending she is 5
Q:What's the best thing about having sex with a 5yr old?
A:Hearing her pelvis crack (utterly tasteless, isn't it)
Q:What's the worst thing about having sex with a 5yr old?
A:When she tells you she has had
better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wed Dec 13 11:54 EST 1995
It's Wednesday, which thankfully is of no significance. I have been
extremely lazy lately, meaning I haven't done much of anything that I should
be doing, including writing limericks. But, because all of you are so
special to me(especially them thar Geneseo babes), I did write one to get
us through today. Amy M, I hope your final went better than my feeble
attempt to study. Limerick Time:
A theatre fag named Tim
impaled his ass on a limb
he thought that the wood
felt really good
'cause it packed his fudge to the brim
The Joke O' the Day was sent to me late last night by a party who wishes to
remain anonymous, because he is afraid a little Indian girl and her mommy
might kill him!
Q:Why don't black people like aspirin?
A: 1)They're white 2)They work 3)You have to pick through cotton to get them.
Thu Dec 14 09:25 EST 1995
Today, in case you missed it is Thursday December 14. This might be
insignificant to many of you, but to me it means that I am going to see
Phish tonight. It also means that my birthday is only two days away.
Finals start on Monday, and end on Thursday. I might continue sending
Limericks until that day. After the twenty third, however, the limerick boy
is going to take a month long vacation. That's not to say I won't be busy.
I've got all kinds of dirty ideas. In fact just last night I sat down and
wrote about ten. Some of my nastiest work yet. I've also expanded my
horizons. I've started to write about actual events. So any of you that I
actually know, beware, your deepest secrets may become a matter of public
record. Here's a brief list of those who stand to be mentioned: Butch,
Jay, Mandy, Kathy Queen, and the whole gang at Geneseo!
On a more serious note, one of your fellow list members is a little
banged up right now, he's gonna live, but I understand that he is one
hurting mother fucker. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you all sent him a
little get well Email. So if you feel like offering your sympathies, send
mail to Jarrett. His address is Hett6230@Splava.cc.plattsburgh.edu
This one's for you Jarrett, hope you feel better soon!
There once was a man named Jarrett Scott
who replaced his pecker with a twat
but when he changed his mind
he was disappointed to find
instead of cum he shot snot
Joke O' The Day (I can't remember if I sent the first, so I'll send two)
Q:Why did the woman cross the road?
A:Who cares, Why was she out of the kitchen!
Q:How many men does it take to do laundry
A:None, It's a woman's job
Fri Dec 15 13:08 EST 1995
Friday again, after today, I'm sending either two or four more limericks
before my month long vacation officially begins. So try to enjoy the last
few. You all should have been in Binghamton last nght, Phish were awesome.
Anyway, it's limerick time.
There once was a girl named Britt
On the ground beneath me she'd sit
and when I had gas
she'd suck on my ass
'til I filled her mouth with shit
Joke O' The Day
Q:How many oragasms does a woman have during a great fuck?
A:Who Cares!
Mon Dec 18 12:07 EST 1995
Happy Monday all you boys, girls, and other applicable beings. I've decided
that tomorrow's will be the last limerick until sometime around the 25th of
January. I figure with the amount of time I have, I ought to be able to
write enought dirty twisted limericks to get us through the rest of the
school year. I will be here until Thursday afternoon, so feel free to write
me. After spending the better part of the weekend getting loaded and
coughing up chunks of what I believe to be lung, I've started to settle down
and get some studying done. At this point in this limerick mailing I'm just
babbling to fill up space(how considerate of me). I promise a special
message on Tuesday, so make sure to read the entire text, don't skip through
it like most of you do. Of course, If you do skip through, you'll never
know to read Tuesday's. For the first time in a long time I'm promising a
twofer Tuesday. Anyway, here are some limericks, the first contributed by
Chad"mushroom-sprouting"Clouting.
Tony decided his birthday'd be sweeter
If only Suzanne would suck on his tweeter
"No way," she said
"If you want birthday head"
"I'm afraid you'll have to settle for Peter"
It's hard to top something like that, but I'll try. Keep in mind this one
is based on a true story!
Butch and a fugly scank named Sue
In the woods, they new what to do
God only knows why
'cause there was blood between her thighs
but at least it was someplace to spew
Joke O' The Day (contributed by Andrew Gregson, passed along to me by my
roomate, Peter)
Q:What is the best part about eating a bald cunt?
A:Putting the diaper back on when you're finished
Tue Dec 19 12:13 EST 1995
Well, well, well, boys and girls, we've come to the end of the first
semester of limericks. For those of you who weren't here from the
beginning, I look forward to sending you a semester full in '96. Since it
is the last day, there are some things I wanted to say. First, thanks to
all of you just for being the type of people who find this kind of crap
amuzing. A special thanks to all of you who have taken the time to write
me. Now, If you'll permit me to babble, I'd like to run down a more
personal list. To my new friends here building 8 (A.K.A.--The Freak House),
some of you probably won't even see this. Anyway, Bruce, good luck, your
graduating (unless you fucked up hard core) soon. One more pinker in the
real world. To the squirly Indian girl next door-->Thanks for trying to
keep me in line, Stain-->In another life you could have been my sister,
Mark-->One of the most genuinely nice guys I've ever met (ladies, he is
available, he's a good lookin' boy), Chad-->You should have been my brother
in this lifetime, Muppet-->Thanks for answering all the questions that
should have never been asked, Mandy-->just for dressing like me, Jessica
P--->thanks for not judging me, even though I've given you plenty to work
with, Bockstahler-->Our's is truly unique, Gordon-->You are one of the
amazing people, now get some sleep, Guido-->For being the calm, and rational
one in a sea of troubles, Matt-->the only other bullett's fan, too bad
you're a Giant's fan as well, Alan, Melanie, Jessica,Bari-->What a great
bunch of people, perfect strangers who cared enough to send birthday wishes,
Jay Woodcock-->Just another wanna be building 8 resident, Damien-->it's been
intersting to say the least, now go get laid, Lisa C.-->the best drunken
friend a guy could ever have, Barb-->who taught me how to talk, Kate-->try
to keep your kilt on,-->Butch--->we've taught each other much, Jay&Ben-->You
two are my brothers, Heidi-->A.K.A. flipper, keep laughing, and smiling, and
giggling, in cackling, and bouncing, and jumping, and DRINKING, I'll always
remember Union, To the girls at Geneseo--->Amy M,Kim, Carrie,Tara, and Amy
R, keep writing, you ckicks rule, Kelli D.--->Thanks for the birthday
words, they meant more than you will ever know, Peter-->even though your a
naked Irish guy with 'roids, you're just about the best roomate anyone could
have, and last, certainly not least Suzanne-->You'll never know how special
you are to me. I have to say, I have about the greatest bunch of friends
anyone could have! Keep the mail coming. It's twofer Tuesday Limerick time.
A little about the limerick boy:
My penis is my favorite toy
I sit at the table
and pull on my cable
speratazoa is my pride and joy
A clan of Geneseo chicks
enjoyed the pleasures of many dicks
but when coming their rugs
they should have checked for bugs
'cause now all their cunts have ticks
Joke O' The Day (Twofer Style)
Q:How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Two, One to change the bulb, the other to suck my dick
Q:Why do women have periods?
A:Because they deserve them
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Hannukah, and what ever else may apply.
Now, fuck off ya bunch a twats
"And Silence contagious in moments like these"
Till the next verse ----TOnY